Monday, January 19, 2009

I Was Only Trying To Make Conversation

I was third in line, behind a woman and a man at the soda fountain in the cafeteria today. The guy in front of me observed the woman pressing the little square button that dispensed only unflavored carbonated water into her cup, and the following discussion ensued:

Man: Oh, I see you like the bubbly water there!

Woman (somewhat embarrassed): Oh, uh yeah I just kind of like the carbonation, I guess. I don't know why...

Man: You know, in Italy when you ask for water in a restaurant, they give you sparkling water by default unless you explicitly ask for tap water.

Me: Well, that's because their tap water gives you explosive diarrhea.
They both kind of shot me big-eyed stares and wandered off in opposite directions.

And people wonder why I rarely speak up at parties. *shrug*


Toki said...

I try not to use the word "diarrhea" in casual conversation. It seems to be a mood-killer. That and "anal leakage"

Just a little bit of advice that I've picked up along the way.

Louis said...

This reminds me of a thought experiment I tried in college. I was sitting outdoors drinking coffee with a friend of mine when she just happened to mention she was battling diarrhea. It didn't really phase me since I was used to these kinds of "too much information" conversations from here. I did however notice that a couple that happened to be walking by at the exact moment that the D-word fell out of her mouth. The couple whipped their heads around in unison to look at the speaker who dared to utter the D-word in public. So, I mentioned to my friend that this D-word seemed to have special powers that instantly commanded attention. So, as an experiment, I continued my conversation with my friend but every time someone walked by I would slip the D-word into the conversation whether it made sense or not. Nearly without fail, the D-word caused listeners not even involved in the conversation to direct their attention to me. I am sure this experiment could be repeated almost anywhere in whatever language and I am willing to bet the result would be the same. By the way, durchfall is German for diarrhea. I'll leave it to the reader as an exercise to try this experiment in German.